Zingers

Posted On May 25, 2011

You know what a zinger is. It’s one of those things that comes out of someone’s mouth that you just don’t really know exactly what to do with. It’s not necessarily a dig, but often it is. These are the times you are so at a loss, you can’t even come up with something coherent to respond with. Here’s some of my “favorites” through the years that I thought you might enjoy.

“Hey mom, your hair is grey. I mean like REAAALLLY grey.” Thanks Tim.
“Hey mom, you totally bashed in that car we are parked next to.” Gulp.
One Christmas morning our extended family gathering was discussing bad odors of some sort, and my niece somewhere under her teen years at the time popped up with, “Oh, you mean like Aunt Barbie’s breath in the morning?” Nice.
“Where did your kid’s blond hair come from?” I have blonde hair, ok, gray now, but it was blonde and Tom has brown hair. Really? Really?
In the Kiss-N-Ride line with a 4 and 6 year old: “Hey Mom, where do babies come from?”
“Hey, didn’t we pass that accident before?”, as I said to my sister on the drive to Hilton Head which was clearly our second trip around the Beltway.
“You aren’t seriously considering having another baby are you??” Umm. Hello. I believe it’s my bod, and my business. This was a popular one after having a NICU baby.
Psst, your pajamas are inside out…no further explanation needed.
Timmy must be fixated with hair or something, “I didn’t really like your last hair cut mom, and it’s growing in weird, like really weird.” Thanks buddy.
“It’ll grow out.” Coming from a friend who was helping my mom give me a home perm just before my high school graduation, when the solution had obviously appeared to be left in a little too long and resulted in a lovely poodle like do for weeks.
“We don’t take credit cards.” Thankfully this doesn’t happen too often, but I guess I rely a little to often on being able to use a credit/debit card instead of carrying around cash.
“Wasn’t that just our exit?” This phrase was uttered on the PA turnpike with the next exit 12 miles away, resulting in a 25 mile extension of our trip.
“The parade, oh, that’s tomorrow.” This was after we bundled up and hauled everyone in our house that was visiting for Thanksgiving out to see the parade that was actually scheduled for the day after turkey day, not the day of. Thankfully a nearby Starbucks and some yummy hot chocolate made the trip something worthwhile after all.
“There is a mandatory evacuation, effectively immediately.” This was particularly bittersweet on the middle day of our vacation week, when I convinced our group not to purchase trip insurance because I haven’t needed it in the ten years I’ve been going to the OBX. Crap.
“You’re suspended, but you won’t really fail conduct.” My punishment while attending St. Hubert’s Catholic High School for girls for being in a carload of kids, and driving by the boy’s school and beeping our horn. It was gross insubordination after all for not following a direct order.
“We are out of propane.” This was uttered when I was throwing a surprise party for Tom’s birthday and had 30 guests in the house waiting for grilled chicken and steak. Thank god for the Foreman Grill and the broiler.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but I’m sure I am not alone, as everyone has a few of these classics in their repertoire. I’d love to hear some of yours….