Sisters
I’m not talking about nuns here. (Although I’ve got my fair share of stories about them, since I was born and raised Catholic and went to 12 years of Catholic School.) I’m also not solely referring to biological sisters, but they are certainly a part of what I am talking about. I’ve seen the gist of this topic addressed in one of those e-mails that’s passed every now and then. And the more I live my life, the more I realize that heeding this advice is very sage indeed.
Sisterhood in the context of this idea, means those women who touch your life in such a way that is almost indescribable. It can be a woman that you don’t know who looks at you with empathy while your toddlers are screaming and pitching a fit in the store. Just that “I’ve so been there look in their eyes”, can be enough to validate that you are not a bad mom, and boy does she understand what you are going through in that moment. I do also mean my flesh and blood sisters who have been with you through god knows what, and as a result, can provide you with comfort and wise words like no one else can–even if it means telling you what you don’t really want to hear. Sisters can show up just about anywhere, and can offer you something that is irreplaceable. I suspect it’s the same for men, with their “brothers”. Mars vs. Venus and all, they’d probably never admit it, but I’m fairly certain that they also experience the insight that only another man can understand to carry them through both the trying and joyful times of their lives.
The first bond of sisterhood that many of us share, is undoubtedly shared with our own mothers. I know I was happier than any other place under the folds of my mother’s skirt. I can remember napping together on the sofa. Going shopping together. And just plain not doing a damn thing–and that was good. We naturally weaved in and out of our relationship through the years. We drifted apart during my teenage years, not for any reason other than I was too busy trying to figure out who I was, so I was always kind of doing my own thing, and just busy working schooling or some social activity. We talked more often as I went to college and I started a weekly call on Saturdays to stay in touch, pretty much without fail. Then of course, as I had kids, her calm nature and common sense grounded me in a way no other could. Having her guidance with a 29 week preemie and a healthy newborn with awfully big lungs who barfed on me all the time was invaluable. She didn’t really even HAVE to say anything of value. Just talking to her was enough to encourage my own sanity.
There’s also the relationship that formed between my sisters and I. I have two sisters and have a unique understanding with each of them. Growing up was not without it’s battles and skirmishes, but we always loved each other. They were 4 and 6 years older than me, so they were more looking out for me when I was young, and were more involved with feuding each, rather than worry about their pesty little sister. More often than not they were probably pulling me or my brother off of one another amidst our frequent disputes. I really got to relish the times with my older sister as I grew near to adolescence. My oldest sister introduced me to the fun of just making an adventure out of nothing. I can’t remember how many times she used to ask me go for a ride in her huge baby blue caprice classic. I don’t know how many times she actually had somewhere she really needed to be. But, we always laughed a lot and just enjoyed being in the company of one another. I think it was most often just for a change of scenery to get out of the house, with the occasional treat for water ice or ice cream in the process. My other sister and I always got along, but really came to enjoy one another’s company once having kids. It’s seems that our two sons are blood brothers by nature. I can’t tell you how many times I’d be explaining some frustration or oddity about my boy, only for her to say, “Oh my god! my kid did that too!” . How wonderful that she knew exactly, and I mean almost to the letter, what I was going through. They both also make me laugh. A lot. And laughter is good for everyone. I can’t imagine not having grown up without either of them.
Then there are the wonderful family members that have woven themselves into the fabric of my life as well. As I mentioned in early posts, my extended family is, well, rather extended. I have had many dear experiences with my aunts and cousins that will always warm my heart. I can still remember before I was in school one of my aunts picking me up to go for the occasional shopping trip with her, and we always had a lots of fun. Doing what? Who knows but it was always an adventure and good company. Looking back, it must have been my aunt being a true sister to my mother who probably just needed a break from me! I’ve had another aunt that I just used to have fun taking places, just because I could. It was wonderful just to see how happy it made her to spend time together. Just made you want to do it more often. I’ve also been lucky enough to call some of my cousins close friends as well. Some closer than others through the years, but I can tell you we’ve been there for each other through many occasions both happy and sad. And no one can ever really replace someone that has known you since you were born–lumps and all.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have had many friends over the years. I’m more of the person that doesn’t have a huge amount of friends, but more lots of acquaintances, and only a handful of very, very close friends. From a friend who lived next door born two weeks later than I whom I still keep in touch with, through grade school, college and into my own married life with my children. There is a common bond with the people I am closest to. They listen to you without judgement. They often comfort, even when you might not be acting in the best light, as they really understand why you may have had a moment of sheer stupidity. They are giving and forgiving. They also like to talk. As though even though I consider myself a decent listener (probably interrupt more than I should, but I’m working on it), I can talk forever, as my dear husband can also attest. My dad swore I was going to be a lawyer because I enjoy a good argument as much as any form of entertainment.
So, in closing, cultivate those sisters around you. And be a sister yourself. Boyfriends may came and go. Death will cross our paths. Hardship and adversity are never far away. But also joy, happiness and laughter. All of these things are made all the more wonderful when shared with the likes of a “sister”. So smile to that mom with the bratty kid. Help the older woman who has dropped something. Be a listener. Pick up the phone. But be there, as it is truly one of the jewels in life worth polishing.