Mom Instruction Manual
Am I a perfect mom? Absolutely not. The title is a bit of a joke, as I’ve heard some moms swear by certain “How To” books for raising their kids. When I hear this, I’m snickering to myself. In my heart, I know that every kid is different, and there is no way that one little book can somehow wrap up in a neat little package how to perfectly parent your charges in life. Sure, a book can provide you with some insight on certain behaviors or illnesses. These can be of the physical or mental variety that may as well be like turning on a light bulb in certain instances, finally providing an explanation for a difficult time you might be going through. But, every moment is different and the nuances, and subtleties of every personality could go on indefinitely.
To me, raising my kids has been like strapping into a G-force roller coaster and holding on for dear life for the ride. This can so perfectly describe motherhood in so many ways. You hop onto the ride terrified to death, screaming, and yet laughing at the same time. In the end, the thrill and excitement you gained by going through all the ups and downs and unexpected curves and twists, by far outweigh any of the fears you had to overcome to step up and get on the ride in the first place.
I consider myself a pretty spiritual person. I definitely feel the presence of that higher power out there, and have witnessed so many intense moments in my life I have absolutely no doubt that something is there with me providing support through difficult times. Although our limited minds may be too dense to understand how the big picture really works, I guess for me that’s were faith takes over. Raised Catholic to believe that we all have free will, I think God gave us the intelligence and gut feeling–conscious, I guess–to help you through everything. Of course we don’t always go with the gut, and we all make our share of mistakes, but that’s all part of the mystery of being human. How we learn from those mistakes and move on with our lives is what makes each and every one of us who we are. Although there is no way that one could know with absolute certainty, I’d like to think that it’s possible that one of the ways in which we exhibit our free will is by selecting the parents that raise us. I know some of you may think I’m nuts, but I think it’s a pretty cool concept, in theory. I can not, for example, imagine my life without the integral presence of my own parents. They are such an amazing team, I can’t imagine life in any other way. You might argue that some people have crappy parents, and why on earth would anyone actually choose rotten parents? Well, you just never know if you wanted to see if you had the mettle to overcome adversity and how you might be able to work through difficult circumstances.
One of the finer mysteries of parenthood is something that I think about often. That mystery being, how do you raise a normal, well adjusted, simply good person? Perfect parents with unending patience and love that seem do all the “right” things in every scenario, can still raise bratty, selfish, awful children. Even the over the top broken individuals who have committed unspeakable crimes sometimes are the product of a “perfect” fairy tale family life. Boggles the mind, but it’s true. I’ve also seen the opposite. Completely god awful, seriously dysfunctional parents that should in no way shape or form be blessed with children-ever, still manage by some miracle to raise healthy, loving, contributing members to society. If I were to take a guess, it’s probably more likely that people who don’t experience a whole lot of love and positive experiences growing up, probably will not lead very good lives, or be very good people. But, who knows what the answer is really?
Well, enough with the deep, philosophical stuff for today. The point of my story is, that I’d like to believe that I was meant to be the mother of my kids. With every fiber of my being. Why do I think that? No idea, but I believe it. Our children are not our possessions by any means. Parents are just the vehicle that they are riding in until they can drive on their own.
I know that I am not perfect by any means, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that I am doing the absolute best that I can with the gifts that God gave me. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t make mistakes along the way. Even my mistakes are teaching my kids something in some way–whether it’s showing them that there is no way in hell that they would ever do whatever I’m doing or by showing a great example that they are definitely going to follow. We all remember thinking to ourselves in our youth: oh, there is no way that I am EVER going to do this with my kids, and hmm, twenty years or so later, you find yourself doing some of the very same things you never thought you’d do. In fact, very often in my own life I reflect on my own upbringing and combine my own experiences to help me figure out something or to gauge my reaction to one thing or another. For some reason this seems to ground me, and give me the confidence to go on a certain path.
So all you moms out there. Sometimes it sucks. Boring, hum drum stuff. Chores. Discipline. Loud out of control, adrenaline filled, never ending days (describing the kids, of course). Sometimes kids say mean things that really hurt–I felt like I was stabbed when one of my kids said they hated me when they were like two. I knew he didn’t really mean it, but it still hurt me in a way I didn’t think he could. Kids die. Heartbreaking, but a reality, unfortunately. But kids are awesome too. Sometimes I feel like my heart could burst open with all of the love that I feel for them. I even knew at one point that I would die for them too, without question. That’s when I knew I was ready to be a mom.
So here’s to those happy moments that make every experience, both good and bad worthwhile. Slimy kisses. Hugs so hard that you can’t breathe. Burnt toast. The beautiful hand made cards–and the aftermath on the kitchen table that came from making them :0. Moments that can never be taken away–“You are the best mom ever”, “Mommy I love you” “Are you ok? Here have this melted up piece of chocolate, you’ll feel better.”. Catching them doing something so right for their brother. Watching them unawares as they say no to something you taught them was wrong. Seeing them be kind to another person who is hurting. Those are the moments that make the journey one of the most wonderful undertakings I’ve ever experienced. Savor the moments and treasure every single one of them. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!